Part Deux - If I'm Letting Go ~ Why Are my Knuckles White?

When we hug, my head rests on his chest. We stand and chat and I have to look up at him. It wasn’t that long ago that it was the other way round.

Gone are the days when he would creep after me through the house as I buzzed about doing my chores. When he would rush up to me and hug my leg as hard as he could and while looking up at me towering above, announce passionately, “ I love mum mum,” while grinning so broad his face looked in danger of splitting in two.

He has a profound fear of spiders. When he was somewhere between two and three he began waking nearly nightly screaming about spiders. Going to bed became difficult until I started spraying the room with spider killer. It was actually an all-natural citrus oil air freshening mist but it sure enough did the trick and everyone got back to his or her regular sleep patterns.


We haven’t had an impromptu dance party in the living room for a couple years now. There’s nothing like slam dancing with a kid.

He asked for money towards a paintball gun this past March for his birthday. Prior to that, the only gun thingy he has ever had is a super soaker. Mind you, that didn’t stop him from turning sticks, Legos and anything else linier into a weapon. I have to confess, the boy is a remarkable shot and plans are being made for a trip to the shooting range to try his hand at skeet shooting.


Prom has past and this Saturday it’s his SAT’s. He has not done any special preparation for the event at all. Nor have I pushed him; he aced the PSAT’s when he took them this autumn. He’s smart without trying and has the even more rare gifts of common sense and a conscience to go with it.

Next week he’s taking my beloved new Beetle into his auto tech class and will be replacing the timing belt, serpentine belt, water pump and coolant. A job that would cost me $1200 at the dealership is costing me $160 for parts.


I am more than proud of the man he’s becoming. He has a plan and it includes becoming an auto tech and learning custom fabrication. Someday he wants to own his own shop and be his own boss. I have no doubt he’ll do just that.

I never gave ultimatums, always choices with clear consequences. The choices were always his to make. It’s remarkable how a kid will make the right choices when the power is given to them. No was never an answer that wasn’t followed with an explanation. It still isn’t.

I have been letting him go since the day he was born. Feeding him the tools and the knowledge he needs to be able to walk into the world on his own and listen to the voice inside his head when he needs to. That voice isn’t mine, it’s his own and it tells him his truths.



Dedicated to the one and only, Boy Wonder, my greatest work, my biggest joy and my free-est bird.

* Lyrics – Lynyrd Skynyrd, Simple Man.

©2006 Dawn Marie Kelly, all rights reserved.