Silicone, it’s not just for implants anymore

It’s also what’s for dinner.

Or at least it’s playing a big part in my kitchen as well as my bath cabinets these days.

It’s an uber substance that knows no boundaries.

I line my sheet pans with it, scrape my bowls, grab my pots, why I even have a spoonula made out of it!

I have this stuff in a tube that if I spread it on my face before applying my make-up I look 10 years younger.

Combine that with the Oil of Olay lotion and I’m practically 12 again.

And I fit right in with all the other 12 year olds that have boobies.

What are we putting in those infant vitamin drops that allow girls to grow boobies by age 11?

The poster child for late blooming, I was 40 before I had boobies.

Silicone is the new polyester.

Micro-fiber if you must show my age.

Micro-fibers took the 90’s by storm. It was new and revolutionary!

I read the label.

It was polyester.

Some genius found a new way to twist those threads and get us to love polyester and wrap our lives in it.

It’s in our closets, on our sofas and beds. It’s racing down the slopes, swaddling our babies and beneath our sleeping pets.

Back in the 70’s polyester was still the poor cousin of the textile world.

I remember a brief conversation with my mother in the kitchen of Woodbridge Ave.

I was 14. It was 1975.

“So mom, at what age will I suddenly get an urge to wear only itchy, elastic waist, polyester pants in a rainbow range of pastel colours?”

“You little bitch!”

Alrighty then.

I held out as long as I could when the new polyester showed up.

It was over the minute my hand touched a bit of micro fleece.

Like butter.

From that moment on, Malden Mills’ stock rose by 75%.

Back in 1975 I was sure of two things.

I hated polyester and I knew my flat-chested self would love her some silicone.

Flash forward to the new millennium.

My mid-life boobies look fab encased in my raspberry micro fleece turtleneck.

Good things come to those who wait for the redesign.