11.01.2005

Hang on sugar, I'm going down swinging!

Explanations are in order as to why I haven’t posted in such a long time.

It was the hormones. Not just any hormones. Hairy hormones.

HAIRY. SCAREY. HORMONES.

Coincided with Halloween, which goes to prove that the goddess’ have a wickedly dark sense of humour.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I wish I could tell you something much more dramatic and practical.

Like;

1. I was riveted to the Supreme Court Nominee shuffle of lameness

2. I was busy discovering the 11th planet. It’s name is Periodo and it can not possibly support any life forms as it’s atmosphere is too volatile and unpredictable with storms that seem to come out of nowhere without warning.

3. I was bathing the dog. (Seriously, that would be a week plus project.)

Honestly, my uterus hasn’t demanded this much airtime since I was pregnant 17 years ago.

I know what your thinking……….and NO.

I. Am. Not. Pregnant.

Keep up people!

Go back and read…

http://angelchicklitfic.blogspot.com/2005/09/red-sox-1-game-down-behind-yankees.html.

We’ll all wait here for you, and yes, we’ll be talking amongst ourselves.

About you.

Back to the present.

I know that my cycle gets wild, wooly and wonderfully eccentric during the big seasonal transitions.

Spring into Summer. Autumn into Winter.

That’s not what they’ll tell me at my appointment today.

Yeah. That appointment.

I am too old to be that kind of humiliated on a yearly basis.

Oh, and let’s just set the record straight right now.

I will not perpetuate the lie.

It does not get any easier as the years roll by.

If I thought it was humiliating when I was 19 without an ounce of body fat and my, ahem, everything was where it should be-----------how do you think I feel at 44 with the added bonuses of cellulite, spreadage, (yeah I made up that word), and sagging?

I’m old but I still have my pride.

I propose that after we are allowed to remove our naked everything back down to earth and cover it as the goddess’ intended it to be, that we get to perform one embarrassingly invasive procedure of our choice on the Doc who just removed all those prehistoric torture devices from our very tender bits!

Bloody sadists!

I am honest to a fault which is why when they ask if my cycle has been regular, I will explain the last two months in all it’s glory.

September’s visit was late. Very late. Over a week late.

It taught me one thing.

My son is 16 ½ and I am two short years away from having control over my own life again.

The thought of being pregnant and giving birth at my age did not bother me.

The thought of 2 consecutive 18-year interments was bone chilling and I felt a horror that was indescribable.

The fact that I ran out onto my back deck and screamed into the sky with joy when it finally showed---------- well, that was scary for the neighbors.

Gina Davis may be thrilled with becoming a parent for the first time at 45 and giving birth to twins at 48 but she was out making movies and walking the red carpet through her 30’s.

I was busy in my 30’s with all that stuff that she’ll be doing into her-------60’s.

Madonna is also talking about wanting more children. Good for her.

I love Madonna. But she had more sex in any given weekend in her 30’s then I had in the entire decade.

I have some catching up to do.

I remember sex and I think I liked it.

If I can quote from that epic film, Monty Python and the Holy Grail;

"I'm not dead yet."


I’m going shopping for a bigger Day Planner.

And you’re not off the hook----- I have at least a weeks worth of hormonal sagas to post.

posted by Angel @ 1:36 PM |

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