Sibling Simplex

The Boy Wonder is an only child.

When the decision not to have any more children became public knowledge I was amazed at what people thought they had a right to say.

Out loud.

To my face.

“How can you do that to him? You have an obligation to give him siblings so he has someone to relate to. No one understands you like a brother or sister. He needs someone who will still be family after you’ve died.”

Obligation?

To give him siblings?

Funnily enough I thought my obligation was to love, protect, feed, clothe and teach him how to be a good person in this crazy world.

And I told this person so.

Funnily enough this person went on to engage in a years long affair with one of his oldest daughter’s friends and eventually his entire family disintegrated from the fall out and he and the now young woman basically have only each other.

So no, the man who spouted his opinion at me was not Dr Spock and I’m sure his three girls are comforted by the fact that they share the common bond of that past and think of the therapy discounts they are entitled to.

The Boy Wonder went on to acquire 3 step sisters who aren’t legally his step sisters but there is no known term for the offspring that a father’s live-in partner has and that got confusing just typing it.

So now he has the best of both worlds or at least a firm appreciation of growing up the first 11 years as an only child.

Do I have any regrets?

I would’ve liked to raise a daughter and instill in her everything that was not instilled in me as a girl.

Like self-confidence, self-worth and a belief that I was important and should be treated with respect. To have been taught that there is nothing that a little girl can’t do simply because she is a girl.

A little girl should know that school is important and that there is more to life after high school than going to college where, “ Maybe you’ll meet a nice boy and get married.”

I was at a mall in Connecticut a few years back with my brother John’s third wife on a Sunday.

I noticed how many mother/daughter pairs there were sharing the day.

The young girls ranged from like 6 years old and up.

I felt a longing for something I didn’t know I missed.

Of course if I had more babies there would not have been any guarantee that I would’ve had any daughters and not more sons and that’s the practicalities of that.

I have tried to instill in my son a sense that he has an obligation to treat girls with respect and that they are capable of anything he is if they have a mind to do it.

Seems to be holding so far. I have seen how he treats his girlfriends and he is destined to have his heart trounced for quite a few years.

Teenage girls are all about the drama and nice boys don’t hold their interest for more than a week. If a boy isn’t making them cry every other day he’s just not good enough.

While I missed out on sharing things with a daughter there are things that The Boy Wonder and I have shared that I never could’ve with a daughter.

Like how our testosterone levels rose and we started sprouting wiry little hairs on our chins at the same time.

Good times.

Oh yeah.

Good. Times.